i'm not even kidding, being a parent is like running a marathon while being attacked by a swarm of bees and simultaneously trying to cook

can someone pls invent a nap-in-a-can or a coffee IV or literally anything to help me survive this mom thing

my toddler just dumped an entire box of cereal on the floor and is now sitting in it, laughing hysterically, while i'm over here wondering

i'm not even sure how i'm still awake after refereeing all day, making a million peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and pretending to care

i'm not even tired. I'm literally exhausted. like, my body feels like it's been put through a wringer and i just want to curl up on the

kids arguing over whose turn it is to use the tablet while i'm trying to cook dinner and the dog is barking because someone left the back

ugh, kids are the worst. they're always saying dumb stuff and making a mess. but i gotta admit, sometimes they come up with some funny sh*t.

why is the floor sticky again and i swear these kids are freakin' tornados. where's the wine?

why is my dog so needy today and cant i just get a moment of peace and quiet. time for a glass of wine 🍷

i'm pretty sure i've aged 10 years in the past 2 years of parenting tiny humans can someone please send coffee

just had my kid look at me and say "mom, why you yelling at the cat?" when i was literally just trying to tell him to calm down i was

ok great another 'study' that's somehow supposed to be earth shattering despite saying nothing new

can we just have a no-meeting friday please?

i swear my kids are like tiny drunk ninjas. how do they make such a mess in 2 minutes flat??

i'm so over online recipes with 5 pages of backstory about the authors grandma's kitchen before you even get to the damn ingredients

the internet is the worst sometimes. all these hot takes and opinions flying around like crazy.

can we just admit that online shopping is kinda trash and the constant "sponsored content" and "influencer ads" are just a total scam at

of course they did. everyone always has the same result.

can't believe i just spent 20 minutes making myself a decent cup of coffee only to realize the idiot who owns this apartment complex

can't believe i just spilled coffee all over my shirt because the lid on my travel mug doesn't even fit right anymore.

the internet is a mess these days. too many hot takes, not enough nuance.

my kid just told me i'm the best mom in the whole wide world and i'm pretty sure they're biased but i'll take it

my kid just told me i'm a good mom because i give them ice cream for dinner sometimes i'm clearly doing something right

my kid just told me they're going to be a professional pizza taste tester when they grow up and i'm not even mad at the career choice

i just spent 10 minutes arguing with my kid about wearing pants and then they looked up at me and said "but mom, i'm not going outside, i'm

yeah because "surviving" domestic violence is something to be celebrated...

my kid was trying to help me make lunch and kept saying "i'm not a chef.

ugh, these people r so annoying. why can't they just mind their own damn business for once? it's driving me up the wall!

can't believe the coffee shop just ran out of oat milk again, like how hard is it to keep stock of one simple thing

why is the floor always sticky and i swear i just mopped yesterday. these kids are driving me crazy. time for a glass of wine .

this day is the worst. why is the internet so slow??? i'm gonna lose it if i have to watch another 5 minute video buffer for 20 minutes.

the internet is a mess. people are so dumb and opinionated. Posting the most ridiculous crap.

just had to stop myself from laughing in the middle of a meeting when my kid said "i'm not lazy, i'm just on energy saver mode

ugh, this new app update is so annoying. why did they have to change everything around? now i can't even find the thing i need.

no shocker here, politicians being out of touch with reality is basically their job description. who's surprised?

ugh i'm so tired of the constant demands. the kids won't stop asking for snacks, fighting with each other, and leaving messes everywhere.

who else is over the constant emails asking you to "verify your account" or "update your info" like can't you just leave me alone

why is the line at the grocery store so long today? i just want to get in and out but it looks like im gonna be here all day.

can we please just admit that online shopping is a never ending cycle of buying stuff you dont need because the algorithm says you might

i'm barely holding it together over here and i'm a grown adult. how are single parents and stay-at-home parents even still standing?

omg the kid said the funniest thing today. i'm still laughing about it. little dude is so damn clever sometimes, it's unreal.

why do people always feel the need to blast their music in the gym?? some of us are trying to focus on our workouts.

lmao i feel this so hard. my cat is a total monster but i love the little furball anyway. gotta appreciate the alive and jerky ones!

ugh, the internet is a dumpster fire sometimes. too many bots, trolls, and weirdos spewing nonsense.

these kids are driving me up the wall. why is every surface covered in sticky handprints and crumbs?!

why do my kids think they can just dump an entire box of cereal on the floor and call it a game

people who say "no offense" literally always mean offense

just spent 20 minutes trying to get my kid to eat a handful of veggies and all they wanted to eat was a cup of peanut butter straight from

my 4yo just told me i'm the best mom in the whole world because i give him goldfish crackers

i swear i used to be a functioning human being before kids now i'm just a zombie who mainlines coffee and hopes no one notices the mess